Thursday, January 29, 2009

When my alarm went off today, I thought of all the possible excuses I could think of to turn it off and continue laying there. I decided since I had an exam I ought not to choose today as my day to skip. So instead I reset the alarm to 5 minutes before I was suppose to get out the door. I threw my hair up and put on a sweatshirt, and made it with 1o minutes to spare and look over my notes. We have a new building on campus that my math class is in, the classrooms make me feel like I am in the oval office and I should be making major decisions for the world. 
I was so happy to see that people actually read my one post. I really thought it would just be me writing and no one looking. I am sure that no one really cares what is going on in my life, at least people that don't know me. If I were to put this blog on my facebook I would be completely embarrassed. I guess that means that I don't want people to know how I really feel, which could in return be a bad thing. I am not a quite person, but I don't express myself well. Most of the time when people meet me they think I am stuck up and conceited because I am not the person to just hug and make over people I don't really know. I keep most things inside until I bust, oh and when that happens it's not good. 
Yesterday at our college's basketball game there was a super model Marisa Miller, at the game. I was first sitting in a box seat and she was in the crowd right below me. I could watch everything she was doing, eating, the only thing I couldn't do was hear her. To my surprise she was eating popcorn and drinking a regular coke. After the game we went to the court because my friend is dating one of the coaches, she was down there with her husband waiting on one of the players that she had come to see. Apparently they have the same talent coach, and she came to watch his game with her husband, who had a mohawk and was wearing a orange scarf with a blue t-shirt. It was so interesting to see her being so excited about a college basketball game. She was taking pictures with her iphone. Her husband recorded every second of an interview with a player. Down on the court I literally sat right behind her, and decided I was going to change my life. I must admit my former boyfriend was obsessed with her so this may lead to my decision. I am a smaller girl I weigh about 115, but I am going to become toned and have an amazing body. So hopefully I can do this, I drink about 5 cokes a day and never drink water. So I am stopping that. That was the closest I have ever been to a real like A list celeb, I was shaking how pathetic is that. I have met a lot of famous athletes because my dad used to play professional baseball and at all his reunions there are great athletes but they were before my time and I really don't know anything about them. Plus I would much rather meet a supermodel. 
"Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be."

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I have never done anything like this before. I am not writing this for people to read, however I feel like if I put my feeling somewhere instead of keeping them all inside of me it will be relieving. 
Lately my world has come crashing down on me. Out of no where my 8 month relationship just ended last Sunday, and we haven't spoken since that night. It is completely beside me that someone who said they felt the way they did about someone can just completely forget about them. So here I am thousands of miles away from him, probably never going to see him again writing on a blog. That hopefully no one will ever find out about. How pathetic is that? I thought we had something real. The only form of communication left is facebook where we can see what each other is doing through pictures and wall post. 
The first few days after the break up were terrible, I just sat around and cried and couldn't get my mind off of it. Now that sadness has turned into bitter anger. I am mad that he hasn't contacted me, I am mad at the way it ended, I am mad that I wasted 8 months in a long distance relationship, and I am mad that he led me on to believe we really had something.
Life is a roller coaster ride though, faith is believing you can close your eyes. So now I am going to stand through all the sadness, stand when I feel like everything is crashing down on me. I have a lot of things going for me, and honestly think I can do better than what I had. Thats not to say that I am not sad about how things turned out, because I invested so much of my life into that relationship. My mom said the other day you have to guard your heart, you can't just give your heart to anyone, only certain people deserve that. I am going to choose to look at the situation as a better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I know some people that have never had the chance to fall in love, and honestly it is one of the best feelings in the world. I just hope that one day I can find someone to share an unconditional love with. I am only 20 years old, and have a lot of time left. So here I am starting my new life, with a fresh start. I will let you know how it goes!